Self determination and redemption are recurring ideas. As a helpless passenger, the narrator has no real control over his destiny. The only control he has was in rationalizing events and wishing for how things should be. He does have a sense that events are backwards, but he still can not interpret this into proper cause and effect. He intuitively knows that his course is unalterable. He recognizes that suicide is impossible since his fate is effectively sealed. He eventually realizes that he will die at birth and nothing can stop that.