How does Balram describe his feelings for Mr. Ashok in the opening of his letter in "The Second Night"?

Balram describes in the opening of this letter how devoted to Mr. Ashok he was and how he picked up a lot of knowledge, including his knowledge of English, from Mr. Ashok and Pinky Madam. He describes feeling “sentimental” about Mr. Ashok and comments on how murdering a man gives someone a uniquely intimate knowledge of him.