How did the author and her family experience intergenerational trauma?

Throughout the book, The Best We Could Do, Thi questions and identifies the emotional, psychological, or cultural states of being she has inherited from her parents. She wonders how much of herself is her own identity, and how much is predetermined by inheritance. In the conclusion, she tries to balance her identity as an individual with her identity as her parents' child. In her words: "How much of ME is my own, and how much is stamped into my blood and bone, presented? I used to imagine that history had infused my parents' lives with the dust of a cataclysmic explosion. That it had seeped through their skin and become part of their blood. That being my father's child, I, too, was a product of war ... and being my mother's child, could never measure up to her. But maybe being their child simply means that I will always feel the weight of their past" (324-325). This passage illustrates Thi's feeling that she will always be influenced by her parents' history in some way. Although she is now questioning the idea that their history is equally her own, she is never-the-less still impacted by it in some way. The question of how much of one's identity is predestined by family history also offers strong motivation for one to uncover that history, thus provided another motivation for the author to write this particular book. It may also prompt readers to consider uncovering their own unexplored family past.

The question of what we inherit is also explored through the idea of inherited trauma. Thi remembers being scared of her father as a child but after learning more about his own childhood, she realizes that "the terror [she] felt was only the long shadow of his own" (129). Bo's childhood, which was filled with abuse, abandonment, and the dangers of war shaped his character and mental health in a way that would later influence his children. With this example, we see how cycles of violence and abuse are perpetuated through inherited generational trauma.

However, Thi sees hope and potential in the question of what we inherit. When looking at her own son, she sees the chance to break those cycles. Instead of seeing war and loss, in him she sees the potential for freedom. This suggests that inheritance does not have to be fixed and that one can break patterns and cycles within families and choose to leave a different legacy for one's children.