Caldwell's rules

From the text:

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 3
If You Got to Tell a Lie Make Sure
It's Simple and Easy to Remember.

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 118
You Have To Give The Adults Something That
They Think They Can Use To Hurt You By Taking It
Away. That Way They Might Not Take Something
Away That You Really Do Want Unless
They Are Crazy Or Real Stupid.
They Won’t Take Everything Because If They Did They Wouldn’t
Have Anything Left To Hold Over
Your Head To Hurt You With Later.

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 328
When You Make Up Your Mind to Do Something,
Hurry Up and Do It, If You Wait You
Might Talk Yourself Out or What You
Wanted in the First Place.

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 83
If an Adult Tells You Not to Worry, and
You Weren't Worried Before, You Better Hurry
Up and Start 'Cause You're Already Running Late.

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 16
If a Grown-up Ever Starts a Sentence by Saying
"Haven't You Heard, "Get Ready, 'Cause
What's About to Come Out of Their Mouth Is Gonna
Drop You Head first into a Boiling Tragedy.

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 87
When a Adult Tells You They Need Your Help
With a Problem Get Ready to Be Tricked—
Most Times This Means They Just Want You to
Go Fetch Something for Them.

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 29
When You Wake Up and Don't Know for Sure
Where You're. At end There's a Bunch of people
Standing Around You. It's Best to pretend
You're Still Asleep, Until You Can Figure
Out What's Going On and What You Should Do.

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 8
Whenever a Adult Tells You to Listen
Carefully and Talks to You in a Real Calm Voice Do
Not Listen, Run as Fast as You Can Because
Something Real Terrible Is Just Around the Corner.
Especially If the Cops Are Chasing You.

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 63
Never, Ever Say Something Bad About Someone
You Don't Know--Especially When You're
Around a Bunch of Strangers. You Never Can
Tell Who Might Be Kin to That Person or Who
Might Be a Lip-Flapping, Big-Mouth Spy.

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 28 Gone = dead!

RULES AND THINGS NUMBER 39
The Older You Get, the Worse
Something Has to Be to Make You Cry